Vidya Balan & Mitu Bhowmick Lange @ 2015 IFFM curtain raiser, 10 April 2015

In Vidya Balan's multiple award-winning 'The Dirty Picture', a caricature of an aging Indian cinema hero named Surya -- who sees nothing wrong with an actress playing his lover in one film and his mother in the next -- makes the following declaration:

A heroine's life is like an elected government: The party lasts for 5 years. After that it's there for support.

'The Dirty Picture' may have been set in the '80s but until recently it would have been easy to say nothing's changed. Bollywood's leading men continue to woo women half their age, while the heroines they pursued at the start of their careers play mothers or get trundled out of the industry entirely. It's a man's game in front of the camera, behind the lens and in Mumbai's skyscrapers of power.

But there are signs Indian cinema is being dragged into the 21st century, and two of those pulling the hardest were together again in a Melbourne skyscraper on Friday morning to 'raise the curtain' on the 2015 Indian Film Festival of Melbourne.

Luckily, so was I.

For the third year in a row Festival Director Mitu Bhowmick Lange stood before gathered press, dignitaries and invited guests and introduced Balan as IFFM's ambassador. As usual they proclaimed their shared vision and dedication to the diversity of Indian cinema, but this year I got a visceral sense of the profundity of their partnership. What other film star takes such a personal stake in a film festival nearly 10,000 kms from her home? What organiser has the moxie to build a successful Indian-based film festival in a city where Indian films barely make a dent? Their name recognition may differ but their courage and conviction do not, and I'd venture to say they inspire each other to force the change that needs to happen if Indian cinema is to remain relevant and vibrant to its worldwide audience.

A greaseball like Surya would find his ass whipped six ways to Sunday if he crossed either of their paths. As a joined force Vidya and Mitu could defeat an army of Suryas. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a show I'd pay good money to see.

Melbourne sparkled in every direction on a perfect autumn morning. 

Mitu welcomed Vidya at the elevators. By the time they walked through the doors of a meet and greet session they looked and sounded like reunited sisters.

Prior to the press conference, Vidya exchanged gifts with a Liberal minister named Martin Foley. When asked about continued funding for the IFFM, the new minister assured support from the Australian government would be forthcoming. He and his government will be held to those words.

The fourth IFFM will be the first to feature a theme: equality. Vidya praised Mitu for 'adding a social nerve core' to the festival, 'not something that comes instinctively' in an industry mostly concerned with commercial success. Vidya expressed satisfaction with the increased scope of the 2015 IFFM and hoped it would lead to a growing 'footfall of non-Indian Australians' at the festival. She went on to implore festival-goers to 'bring their families, friends, colleagues ... their DOGS' along with them. I bet the big cheese of cinema chain Hoyts, who was in attendance, got a kick out of that remark.

During a Q&A that was blessedly free of personal questions, an audience member noted the symbolism of Vidya and Mitu being the driving forces behind the IFFM in a patriarchal industry and culture. A wonderful point, and -- perhaps -- a symbol of the overdue respect Vidya's earned as a conscientious woman in the film industry. I've been to all three of Vidya's IFFM press conferences and this was the first to be free of cringeworthy commentary or asinine prying. Another sign of progress. Vidya jokingly referred to herself as the 'biggest ambassador for Melbourne' and said she was 'trying to convince everyone I know to shoot a film in Melbourne.' Asked for her top memories of IFFM, Mitu described Vidya's historic visit to the MCG in 2012 and how she 'floored' TV-personality Eddie McGuire during a live interview.

She also described Amitabh Bachchan taking a selfie (left) from the stage of last year's inaugural IFFM Awards Night and how it made her feel truly at home in Melbourne for the first time. As someone lucky enough to be seated two rows behind the screen legend, and who witnessed the sometimes terrifying degree devotees will go to express their love for a man they've never met but carry in their hearts like a living embodiment of their homeland, I can't begin to imagine what was going through Mitu's mind as the crowd shouted his name and Mr Bachchan -- Amitabh freakin' Bachchan -- playfully snapped a photo of himself on the stage of Melbourne's Princess Theatre. Besides feeling at home, I'd hope she'd also be thinking something along the lines of ... 'I did this.'

Vidya is every inch the movie star yet comes across as both whipsmart and personable. Mitu repeatedly thanked her for raising the 'credibility and visibility' of the IFFM to where it's now in the 'top two or three' Indian film festivals in the world. That's a remarkable accomplishment in such a small market. Mitu said the equality theme would encompass 'gender, race, sexuality and disability' and the August festival would feature a fashion show and recognition of Indian Independence Day on 15 August. She also said a festival program would be out in June. After thanking IFFM's loyal sponsors, Mitu praised her staff at Mind Blowing Films, who work tirelessly to make her vision real.

I'd also like to thank Mitu and everyone at Mind Blowing Films for the kindness they've shown me over the years. A more earnest and committed group you will never find.

India v South Africa at the MCG: Ind - i - a Zin - da - bad!

I strangely neglected to bring a camera to what was an exceptionally colourful day at the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG) and my first cricket match since moving to this cricket-happy continent nine years ago. Nearly 87,000 people packed the MCG on a hot Sunday in February to see India take on South Africa in an early round of the 2015 Cricket World Cup. Both teams were evenly matched though the 'Saffers' were favoured to win. You couldn't have convinced the men, women and children who comprised at least 90% of the crowd that India wasn't destined to win on this day, however. India's diaspora did their nation proud waving flags, chanting slogans, banging dhols and cheering wildly at every Indian run, catch and bowl. I'm an American and therefore genetically wired to loathe cricket but it's a fascinating game to watch in person, especially in a stadium roaring with smart, sober and vociferous fans. The 8-hour 'one-dayer' was won by India 307-177 in a blowout.

Bahut acha.

Game summaries and statistical breakdowns of the match can't compare to the effectiveness of these two photos at revealing the day's events: Our favourite Saffer Hayley with Aradhna early in the afternoon ...

... and much later in the day. Sorry, Hales.

'Finding Fanny'. Losing hope. [SPOILERS]

Pride is the main culprit of 'Finding Fanny', a gorgeous piece of Indian cinema set in modern-day, mildew-covered Goa. Pride is also why the film has zero chance of performing well at the Indian box office: its all-Indian cast speaks clever dialogues in English, the film lacks a strong male hero, and an actress (Deepika Padukone) beloved for her girl-next-door appeal plays a lovely local widow who lusts for and enjoys premarital sex -- outoors!

All reasons for (nearly all male) guardians of Indian cinema to dismiss this film as too quirky, too oddball, too intelligent, too .... ambitious.

Can you even fucking imagine?

Angie (Deepika Padukone) and Savio (Arjun Kapoor).

Finding Fanny doesn't race down a hill like a child's bicycle, all plot and clumsy exposition, like most Bollywood fare. I've seen it twice and without question enjoyed it more the second time. The story is simple and encapsulated by a line Deepika's character Angie says to Naseeruddin Shah's hapless Ferdie: "No one deserves an incomplete love story." A quintet of characters is allowed to breathe and expand, their eccentricities lovingly indulged, from Dimple Kapadia's Rosie Eucharistica (27% of Goa's population is Catholic) hoarding biscuits to Pankaj Kapur's Don Pedro spouting cheap poetry over for Rosie's ample, and apparently fake, buttocks. Arjun Kapoor's Savio is the least fleshed-out character but in a milieu so dominated by comically macho lead males it's a nice change. He may be behind the wheel of the rusty Dodge that takes the quintet along Goa's single-lane backroads but it's Angie and Dimple who are driving everything that follows.

Deepika's the biggest female star in Bollywood right now so it's almost a relief to see her captured in natural light, sans caked makeup and stripper costumes. The Goa of cinematographer Anil Mehta is overgrown and decaying but Angie glows like sand on a beach at sunset. Dimple's Rosie first appears on wobbly heels wielding a collapsible fan like a switchblade but she too is adored by Anil's camera; a later shot of her laying beneath a tree in a field may be the first time I've seen a Rubenesque figure in an Indian film. The pleading sexuality of an older woman laying on her side in a Western-style dress is funny at first, but the longer Rosie luxuriates and drinks cheap booze and chats up the hapless Ferdie, all to the annoyance of Don Pedro, the more she loses her comic persona and becomes what she really is: A desperately lonely woman whose seafaring husband disappeared decades ago. Her relationship with man-child Ferdie is the last thing you'd expect to evolve but it does, which leads to a frustrated, impotent Don Pedro destroying Rosie in the only way he can -- by painting her as an ogre without a face, i.e., without a soul.

Don Pedro (Pankaj Kapur) with his grotesque portrait of  Rosie (Dimple Kapadia).

And that's what dooms 'Finding Fanny'. It's normal in Bollywood -- and Hollywood, for that matter -- for 50-year-old men to be cast with romantic leads the age of their daughters. These men always lack emotional maturity and always gain it from falling in love with women half their age. Here, the characters of Angie and Rosie, in vastly different ways, save men OF THEIR OWN AGE crippled by pride and self-imposed celibacy. The only man who gets an upper hand -- Don Pedro -- does so temporarily before landing at the bottom of the sea with a bullet through his brain in a beautifully justified comeuppance.

Director Homi Adajania is a young man with one commercially successful venture (2012's Cocktail) and two critically acclaimed flops, Being Cyrus (2006) and 'Finding Fanny'. The man has bills to pay so it's fair to expect his next film to appeal to the masses but I hope he keeps chipping away at audience -- and critics' -- expectations. Film lovers around the world stand to benefit.

Morality Gap

Think again before buying that cute beaded blouse at Gap Kids -- it may have been stitched together by an Indian child, perhaps as young as 10, working in a filthy sweatshop "in conditions close to slavery".