Monday, 1 October 2007

A 'Spinal Tap' Super Bowl

Imagine every cliche of the Super Bowl: Feverish announcers stretching their limited lexicons to holler variations of "THIS IS IT" every 40 seconds over the course of a 7-hour pregame show. Corporate logos splashed on every viewable surface. Crowd shots of 'zany' morons masquerading as fans. Hard rock soundtrack playing behind every borrowed US on-screen graphic. Finally, and most predictably, a terrible mismatch of a game.

Toss in a sport that's closer to professional wrestling than rugby, and you have the 2007 NRL Grand Final.

My vow to avoid all of Sydney's crap culture post-Sigatoka was suspended briefly yesterday to watch the bombast. Excruciating. Chew on this pre-game 'entertainment': A former Australian Idol winner named Shannon Noll sporting a Flock of Seagulls haircut & singing/asking/begging the drunken mob at Sydney's Telstra Stadium to get loud; a provocatively (un)dressed lead singer of the attitude heavy/talent light Rogue Traders squeaking "Do you wanna feel ..." something or other like a malfunctioning talking sex doll; and finally, most distressingly, the formerly outstanding rock/punk/surf band Hoodoo Gurus performing "for the last time" a rewritten version of their classic 'What's My Scene' that was used as the NRL's theme song this season.

The Melbourne Storm squashed the Manly Sea Eagles. Naturally, after featuring every possible story involving the local Sea Eagles for days on end, Sydney's two major papers today avoided leading with the team's defeat and opted instead to headline Pamela Anderson's pending marriage to some sleazeball.

Like their many excellent wines, poor sportsmanship is a home-grown and finely aged Australian commodity.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shannon Noll is a god :)
A LEGEND!

Anonymous said...

The tone of your blog baffles me... You'r like the person in the restaurant who claims the meal is disgusting, a waste of money, not good enough for dogs... but continues eating anyhow...
Maybe it's because you have zero conviction, or because your too cheap to provide yourself an alternative, or maybe your just an out n out liar... either way you have no substance pal..
You should head back to America, you clearly haven't outgrown the inbreed immaturity suffered by your entire nation..
You ridicule our coverage of NRL (a sport much more worthy of respect than NFL) when the coverage provided in America is the biggest load of flashing lights and loud screaming whistles I've ever seen - All coverage of any sport looks like it was made specifically for people with a.d.d..
Have your opinion, by all means, but don't go publicising it like anything you say is actually important, just keep it to yourself.. This isn't America - you don't get credit for being the loudest person in the room here mate...